The ACT Training model uses similar principles that we have used for over a decade of co-delivering teambuilding courses, and Life Skills workshops for Personal and Social Development. Specialising in relationship coaching was a natural progression for us in setting up our own private practice. We have found ACT works extremely well for couples, families, groups and individuals, anyone struggling with interpersonal relationships, toxic personal relationships and resolving conflict.
Here is a simple guide to help know when to end a
relationship. For each item under “Unacceptable” there is a counterpart below
in the “Acceptable” list that allows you to compare similar occurrences.
- Lies of any kind.
- Dating you or attempting a relationship while still married.
- Hurtful anger directed at you.
- Chronic anger of any kind.
- Putting you down, derogatory remarks.
- Ridiculing you in front of others.
- Refusing to discuss problems in the relationship.
- Withholding affection or physical contact as punishment.
- Telling you there are no problems when you have identified one, saying you are crazy for
- Having no interest in your life, career, friends, dreams. Only interested in themselves.
- Flirting or handling other people in an inappropriate way then saying you are crazy when you
bring it up.
- Not willing to discuss finances in relationship, elusive about money issues.
- Being chronically late or cancelling things frequently at the last minute.
- Secretive behaviour that doesn’t make sense.
- Physical abuse of any kind. (There is no acceptable counterpart below)
- Waiting till
the appropriatetime to tell you something important.
- Papers are
legally filedin divorce court, they are not living with spouse.
anger directedat themselves.
- Infrequent upset
with themselvesor others.
- Playful teasing
that doesn’tleave you feeling badly.
- Playful teasing
that doesn’tleave you feeling embarrassed.
- Refusal to
discuss problemsuntil they have a chance to think calmly about problems.
physical contactdue to a need for some space to process, not ongoing.
- Truly not
understanding theproblem but willing to listen and try to understand your side.
- Being too tired or busy to talk sometimes.
- Greeting someone with a cheek buff or handshake.
- Financially open if appropriate.
- Having to cancel things or be late occasionally due to work or something important.
behaviouraround your birthday or other holiday.
We empower others to notice, name, normalise and neutralise
their emotions and not settle for any of the above behaviors and not to look
for reasons why the person is that way or make excuses for them. It doesn’t
matter if they are a narcissist, if they were abused as children, are a control
freak or if they have an alcohol problem. None of that is something we can fix
and it does not enhance our life in any way, shape or form. If someone really
loves the person and they get help that sticks and corrects the problem, fine.
In our experience, the individuals who exhibit the above unacceptable behaviors
are usually not open to change. We can only manage our own behaviour by taking committed
action inline with our values.
Stop struggling and start living, you don't have to suffer alone....