Are you strong enough to hold your Temper?

Are you strong enough to hold your Temper?

Are you strong enough to hold your Temper?

Anger is a result of thinking that we have been unfairly treated or disrespected, or that others have broken or fallen short of our rules, standards or expectations, and we won't stand for it.

Thinking this way leads us to feel angry, which stimulates the body's adrenaline response which is our body's way of helping us to cope with either fighting or running away ('fight or flight' response). We respond to those thoughts and feelings, by acting, or feeling an urge to act, in threatening or aggressive ways.

Thoughts that often occur:

 I'm being treated unfairly

 I'm being disrespected

 They're breaking a rule or standard

 I won't stand for it

Physical Sensations - The Adrenaline Response

When there is real, or we believe there is a real, threat or danger, or that we must defend or stand up for what we believe is right, our bodies' automatic survival mechanism kicks in very quickly. This helps energise us to fight or run away ('fight or flight response'). We will notice lots of physical sensations, which might include:

 heart racing or pounding - enabling good blood supply around our bodies

 breathing quickly - allowing more oxygen around the body

 tense muscles - a state of readiness to fight or flee

 shaking

 hot, sweating

 light-headed

 stomach churning or butterflies

 fist or teeth clenching

Behaviours might include:

 staring & angry facial expression

 aggressive body posture

 go towards what makes us angry

 attacking or arguing

 hitting out (or urge to hit out)

 shouting, snapping at others

 running or storming away

 staying silent, inwardly seething

 door slamming, making lots of noise

 sulking

We all feel angry sometimes. Anger has consequences, and they often involve hurting other people - more usually their feelings, but sometimes physically. Anger can cause problems in our personal lives and affect work and study. After an angry outburst, we can think very critically of ourselves and our actions, leading us to feel guilty, ashamed and lower our mood, which might result in our withdrawing from others, not wanting to do anything (see depression cycle).

Identify your triggers

What or when are the times when you are more likely to get angry? If you can see the patterns, then maybe you can do something about those situations, and do something different.

 Behind the wheel?

 At work?

 When stressed?

 With certain people?

 When you've been drinking or using other substances?

What to do when you feel angry

STOPP! Pause, take a breath, don't react automatically

 Walk away - you can come back and talk later

 Ask yourself:

 What am I reacting to?

 What is it that's really pushing my buttons here?

 Am I getting things out of proportion?

 How important is this really?

 How important will it be in 6 months’ time?

 What harm has been done?

 Am I expecting something from this person or situation that is unrealistic?

 What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen?

 Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person meant? Am I mis-reading between the lines? Is it possible that they didn't mean that? Is this fact or opinion?

 What do I want or need from this person or situation? What do they want or need from me? Is there a compromise?

 What would be the consequences of responding angrily?

 Is there another way of dealing with this? What would be the most helpful and effective action to take? (for me, for the situation, for the other person)

 Visualise yourself dealing with the situation in a calm, non-aggressive but assertive way, respecting the rights and opinions of all others involved.

How to deal with the physical sensations of anger

Counteract the body's adrenaline response - it's readiness for action, by using that energy healthily.

 Practice calming or mindful breathing - this one act alone will help reduce the physical sensations, emotions and intensity of thoughts.

 Visualisation: Breathe in blue (for calm) and/or green (for balance) and breathe out red.

 Go for a walk, run or cycle, or maybe do some gardening or housework.

www.getselfhelp.co.uk

 © Carol Vivyan 2009, permission to use for therapy purposes

 

What is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

What is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

What is Acceptance & Commitment Therapy?

 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) gets its name from one of its core messages: accept what is out of your personal control, and commit to action that improves and enriches your life. It’s one of a new generation of CBT approaches.

The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich, full and meaningful life. ACT (which is pronounced as the word ‘act’, not as the initials) does this by:

  1. a) teaching you psychological skills to deal with your painful thoughts and feelings effectively – in such a way that they have much less impact and influence over you (these are known as mindfulness skills).
  2. b) helping you to clarify what is truly important and meaningful to you – i.e your values – then use that knowledge to guide, inspire and motivate you to change your life for the better.

The ACT View Of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a “hot topic” in Western psychology right now – increasingly recognised as a powerful therapeutic intervention for everything from work stress to depression – and also as an effective tool for increasing emotional intelligence. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a powerful mindfulness-based therapy (and coaching model) which currently leads the field in terms of research, application and results.

Mindfulness is a mental state of awareness, focus and openness – which allows you to engage fully in what you are doing at any moment. In a state of mindfulness, difficult thoughts and feelings have much less impact and influence over you – so it is hugely useful for everything from full-blown psychiatric illness to enhancing athletic or business performance. In many models of coaching and therapy, mindfulness is taught primarily via meditation. However, in ACT, meditation is seen as only one way amongst hundreds of learning these skills – and this is a good thing, because most people do not like meditating! ACT gives you a vast range of tools to learn mindfulness skills – many of which require only a few minutes to master.

ACT breaks mindfulness skills down into 3 categories:

1) defusion: distancing from, and letting go of, unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and memories

2) acceptance: making room for painful feelings, urges and sensations, and allowing them to come and go without a struggle

3) contact with the present moment: engaging fully with your here-and-now experience, with an attitude of openness and curiosity

These 3 skills require you to use an aspect of yourself for which no word exists in common everyday language. It is the part of you that is capable of awareness and attention. In ACT, we often call it the ‘observing self’. We can talk about ‘self’ in many ways, but in common everyday language we talk mainly about the ‘physical self’ – your body – and the ‘thinking self’ – your mind. The ‘observing self’ is the part of you that is able to observe both your physical self and your thinking self. A better term, in my opinion, is ‘pure awareness’ – because that’s all it is: just awareness, nothing else. It is the part of you that is aware of everything else: aware of every thought, every feeling, everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and do.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a unique and creative approach to a change in behaviour which alters the very ground rules of most Western psychotherapy. It is a mindfulness-based, values-oriented behavioural therapy, that has many parallels to Buddhism, yet is not religious in any way; it is a modern scientific approach, firmly based on cutting-edge research into human behavioural psychology.

With thanks to Dr Russ Harris for this content

Are you strong enough to keep your temper?

Are you strong enough to keep your temper?

It has been said Anger is the response of the powerless child. Losing control is like throwing your teddy out of the pram. Whatever they might show in the movies or the soaps, getting angry gets you know where. Except into trouble, into hospital, out of relationships and out of a job. People who lose their temper all the time eventually loses everything. Don’t let this happen to you, it may be time to hold your hand up and ask for help!

GPs report that they have few options for helping patients who come to them with problem anger.

There are approximately 50 published research studies that have tested some kind of intervention for anger problems with adults and another 40 relating to children or adolescents, and researchers have concluded that successful treatments exist for adults, adolescents and children.

  • Almost a third of people polled (32%) say they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
    • More than one in ten (12%) say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
    • More than one in four people (28%) say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
    • One in five of people (20%) say that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
    • 64% either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.
    • Fewer than one in seven (13%) of those people who say they have trouble controlling their anger have sought help for their anger problems.
    • 58% of people wouldn’t know where to seek help if they needed help with an anger problem.
    • 84% strongly agree or agree that people should be encouraged to seek help if they have problems with anger.

Those who have sought help were most likely to do so from a health professional (such as a counsellor, therapist, GP or nurse), rather than from friends and family, social workers, employers or voluntary organisations.

Mindworks would introduce you to our ground-breaking approach called Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) which has been proven scientifically with years of evidence that shows that it helps people struggling with stress, anxiety, anger and depression and those who just want to find a rich and more meaningful life to live.

Or book an appointment at: https://www.ring.md/practitioner_profiles/ian-disley-mac

ACT is relevant to us all it can offer each and every one of us an insight into daily stresses and struggles that we will all inevitably experience from time to time

You are not alone, we specialise in anger management and run courses on it; help is at hand so drop the rope in your tug-of-war with anger and get in touch for a free initial consultation.

 

How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

How to Stop Struggling and Start Living....

Do you feel that you are drowning, sinking, or in a dark deep pit?

Have you heard of ACT? (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) It is a ground-breaking evidenced based approach, using Mindfulness skills to overcome stress, anxiety anger and depression.

It doesn't matter whether you are lacking in confidence, low self-esteem, facing a long term chronic illness, stressed or trying to get work life in balance, trying to lose weight or stop an addiction, experiencing difficult relationships, all these life events are normal, but using ACT can help you build a more rich, full filling and meaningful life.  Using ACT, you would learn how to:

  • Reduce stress, worry, cravings and anxiety
  • Rise above your doubts, fears, concerns, loneliness and insecurity
  • Deal with those unhelpful thoughts, painful feelings and emotions more effectively
  • Develop self-acceptance, self-awareness and self-compassion and compassion towards others
  • Let go of self-sabotaging habits, recognise the happiness myths and do what works and is helpful
  • Create a happier life to the full, by keeping to your values and being committed to action.

So, are you ready to stop reacting to life's events, situations and people around you and ACT on your values and commit to action?

Mindfulness is not about long hours of meditation, it has been said that even the great Zen master can't stop unhelpful and negative thought coming into the mind. ACT is about accepting that these thoughts are normal, natural and only human. Such as why me? I'm not good enough, I've useless. why does this always happen to me, I can't be bothered doing anything, why does everything go wrong etc. etc.

We can get 'hooked' into these thoughts and feelings, fused with them, locked on, believe in them, entangled and act on them. But we don't have to, they are a normal reaction based on thousands of years of evolution since primitive man. We are conditioned to respond to the 'fight or flight' response and even 'freeze' in the event of danger and today it's only perceived danger but our brain still tries to protect us from threats, things that drives us and actions that are not always helpful and workable towards that what we want, a rich more meaningful life.

ACT is accepting even your feelings and emotions as only human, such as feeling anger, sorry, guilt, sadness, worry, anxious, panic and even loneliness.  What do we try to do, push them away, bury them, run from them and even try to change them. But, does that work? Or do they just come back, sometimes with a vengeance, like pushing a beach ball unto the water, it just pops back up. What we do using ACT we accept them, make room for them, sit with them and just let them be, by being mindful of the here and now, in the moment and recognising that they will pass.

Accepting these thoughts and feelings are only normal for us humans is the first step, next is not distract or try to change them, but to commit yourself to action that is in line with your values which are important to you, are your hearts desires and that you stand for, wanting to be remembered for. Towards move that are workable actions and effective in achieving your hearts desires and this will defuse your thoughts and feelings by separating them, distance yourself from them and untangle yourself so as not to be too wrapped up in them resulting in being able to carry on with life and still have the thoughts and feeling in the background without being hooked into them.

Learning cognitive defusion helps you defuse painful and unpleasant thoughts, self-limiting beliefs and self- criticism and have less influence over you. Expanding and making room for your painful thoughts and feeling and allowing them just to be and let them flow through you without being swept away by them, being connected fully in the present instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future together is known as Mindfulness. these skills can be taught through ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy or Acceptance Commitment Training) as it is known in the corporate world and in Executive Coaching.

Are you strong enough to keep your temper?

Are you strong enough to keep your temper?

It has been said Anger is the response of the powerless child. Losing control is like throwing your teddy out of the pram. Whatever they might show in the movies or the soaps, getting angry gets you know where. Except into trouble, into hospital, out of relationships and out of a job. People who lose their temper all the time eventually loses everything. Don’t let this happen to you, it may be time to hold your hand up and ask for help!

GPs report that they have few options for helping patients who come to them with problem anger.

There are approximately 50 published research studies that have tested some kind of intervention for anger problems with adults and another 40 relating to children or adolescents, and researchers have concluded that successful treatments exist for adults, adolescents and children.

  • Almost a third of people polled (32%) say they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
    • More than one in ten (12%) say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
    • More than one in four people (28%) say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
    • One in five of people (20%) say that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
    • 64% either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.
    • Fewer than one in seven (13%) of those people who say they have trouble controlling their anger have sought help for their anger problems.
    • 58% of people wouldn’t know where to seek help if they needed help with an anger problem.
    • 84% strongly agree or agree that people should be encouraged to seek help if they have problems with anger.

Those who have sought help were most likely to do so from a health professional (such as a counsellor, therapist, GP or nurse), rather than from friends and family, social workers, employers or voluntary organisations.

Mindworks would introduce you to our ground-breaking approach called Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) which has been proven scientifically with years of evidence that shows that it helps people struggling with stress, anxiety, anger and depression and those who just want to find a rich and more meaningful life to live.

Or book an appointment at: https://www.ring.md/practitioner_profiles/ian-disley-mac

ACT is relevant to us all it can offer each and every one of us an insight into daily stresses and struggles that we will all inevitably experience from time to time

You are not alone, we specialise in anger management and run courses on it; help is at hand so drop the rope in your tug-of-war with anger and get in touch for a free initial consultation.